February 27, 2008
Remember when life was simple? When your children actually worshiped the ground you walked on? That look of longing in their eyes when they saw you walk into a room?
Remember that?
You were the end all to be all. The God of all Gods. YOU WERE THE SHIT!!!!
You were:
SUPER MOM DAMMIT!!!!
You had your shit on lock down. Nobody couldn’t tell you NOTHING!
Fast forward 12 years later and…………this happens:
Pre pubescent teenage angst starts to rear it’s ugly head! You get the rolling of the eyes; the seclusion; slamming of doors; stomping; and talking back.
Well my fellow sisters of Kingdom Mommydum…..I’m there. Princess Morgan has been jacked up a total of three times this month. I don’t know where it’s coming from or who, but this chick is testing me and testing me hard.
A couple of weeks ago after coming home from a long day, the girls got themselves situated and started on their homework. I decided that I would start on some laundry. I went to Morgan’s room (door locked *blank strare*)
Me: Morgan, open the door. I need your clothes from your hamper.
Morgan: I’m getting dressed.
*blank stare*
Me: I’ll give you ten minutes.
Morgan: Ok
Fastforward ten minutes later
Me: Morgan. Open the door!
Morgan: I’m dressin!!! (had the audacity to have a “tone”)
Neck cocked to the side with a *blank stare*
Now, I’m debating on whether I should knock the goddamn door down and swoop on her ass like a hawk or just sit there and be calm.
I chose to be calm, I am NOT cute in orange and I DON’T want to end up being Franquisha’s bitch for 5 to 10 years!
The door opens and I calmly walked in and got what I needed. I forgot something and turned around to check her closet for any missed clothing.
Morgan: What you doin in my closet?
Ok, now, I promised with the strength of Jesus and everything that was in me……..It was ON! I jacked her ass up against the wall and conveniently reminded her (in my Julia Sugarbaker tone) that:
1) She’s only a TEMPORARY resident in my house.
2)Her little ass don’t pay nor does she contribute to my mortgage payment. Hence, exercising her “tenants” rights to lock her door whenever she wants has been terminated.
3)No punishment. Talking back calls for a trip to the woodshed…….Southern style!
Later that night we had “the talk” again. I gave her the reasons why I had to handle her the way I did and that I was not going to tolerate being talked back to or disrespected in my house. I think she got the point. If she didn’t there will be more jacksups to come!
I’m not built for this shit! Just think, I have 2 more girls!! DAYUM!
January 17, 2008
Today is my Dorian’s 9th Birthday. Happy Birthday my Darling, peace and continued blessings.
Oh, and ya’ll KNOW I got pictures…………………..
My Baby Dorian
Make a wish!!!
Me and my Baby!
The Glam Squad
December 27, 2007
Christmas was pretty good this year. The Glam Squad got the things they wanted and my gift was to sit back and watch them smile.
Me and my little Divas
Hmmmm, what should I open next?
I see you!!!!!!
Check me out!!!!
It was a good Christmas!
December 19, 2007
Dorian, the middle member of the Jr. Glam Squad had her first violin recital last night. She really did a great job. I’m soooo proud of her. I hope she keeps it up so that she could make some money and take care of her old momma in years to come.
Look at my baby
Dorian and her violin teacher
Me and my baby
December 5, 2007
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How to piss your 12 year old daughter off for the hell of it:
1) When pulling into the school parking lot, make sure you have either Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit or Pearl Jam’s Jeremy strategically placed in the cd player (this is very important). When she gets her things together, say your I love yous and as soon as she hits the pavement where her friends are waiting…………..TURN UP THE VOLUME and just sit there and wave and say “Hey Morgan, is this the song you said you like?!!!!!!!
*This will cause adults to give you the **blank stare** but who gives a fuck, hell you’re having fun at your daughters expense……………RIGHT?
2) When she’s on the phone with her little girlfriends, go to another phone, pick it up and say….”Morgan, I thought it was your turn to take the slop to the hogs today, you know we have to fatten him up a little before we take him to the slaughter before Christmas………you know you love bbq, so you better get to it”!
**It’s a Southern thing folks**
3) When she’s having friends over, make sure that’s the day you do laundry. After everything is dried, start folding HER clothes first. Casually pick up a pair of her underwear and enter her room and hold them up in front of her and the “girls” and say………”Morgan, are these draws yours or mine”?
**You maybe called every bitch in the book (long as you don’t hear it being said) but the look on her face would be ever so priceless**
4) Waite until she is good and sleep (best done around 1 in the morning). Get out your digital camera out and take a picture of her sleep (make sure it’s when her mouth is wide open and just a hint of slobber) When done, print the picture and tape it to the back of your truck so that when you drop her off at school, she has to go to the back and get her bookbag.
Morgan: “Momma why you do that”?
Me: “Do what Baby”?
**Yeah, she wants to cut my ass! All I have to say is…………..BRING IT ON!!**
5) Visit her at school at a time when you know she’ll be having lunch with the “girls” soon. Casually walk over to her table and say….”Morgan, you still want me to stop by the house and bring you some of them Chittlens and rice you wanted”?
Morgan: “MOMMA”???!!!!!
Me: “What Baby, I thought you liked chittlens and rice”? “You told me you wanted to have some for lunch today”
6) This is important parents. Make sure that you invest in a good Halloween mask (this is a must). Before your little darling is finished with her shower/bath sneak into her room (mask on), get under her bed or hide in her closet, when she enters the room (be sure that you give her some time) jump from under the bed or out of the closet and scare the living day lights out of her.
Morgan: “Dang Momma, Why you can’t act like the other mommas”?
Me (laughing my ass off): “Because, I’m a special mommy”
Morgan: “Yeah, “SPECIAL”!!
7) Late at night when she’s asleep, get one of her old dollies, take the head off and hang it on her ceiling fan just enough to reach her face. (leave it there until the next morning) When morning comes make sure that everything is in place, gently kiss her on the cheek and say…”Morgan it’s time to get up”. Then run like a bat out of west hell before she can comprehend what’s about to happen.
Morgan: MOMMA…………STOPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! I CAN’T STAND YOU!!!
I can’t respond because I’m laughing just tooo damn hard!
8) When in public my Morgan likes to walk apart from me and the other members or the Glam Squad. When she does this:
Me: “Morgan come on Sweetheart, there’s a sell on “ALWAYS” I think you need some don’t you”?
**My Baby then comes runnin like a champ**
Morgan: “Why you do stuff like that”?
Me: “Do what Baby”?
Morgan: “You know”!!!!!
9) Me: Morgan
Morgan: Ma’am
Me: Morgan
Morgan: Ma’am
Me: Morgan
Morgan: MA’AM!!!!!
Me: “Nothing Baby, I just wanted to see if you were in the house”!
Morgan: Momma! I’m sittin right next to you!!!!
10) 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night:
Me: Morgan, Baby it’s time to get up and get dressed for school.
Morgan: OK
*By this time she’s up headed to get dressed…..until she notices that something aint right*
Morgan: Why Dorian and Khouri not gettin up?
Me: Oh, Baby….my bad! It’s the weekend, Mommy thought it was Monday!
Me: I Love You!!!
Morgan: Momma, you so embarrassing. Was I adopted?
Me: No, but we did find you at Wal-Mart and just couldn’t resist.
I guess this won’t qualify me for the Mother Of the Year Award will it?
November 27, 2007
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I am currently in a state of shock in it’s purest form. What I saw tonight nearly sent me into a coma. The youngest members of the Glam Squad was taking their nightly bath together just having a ball. Well, it got to be a little too much because I was concentrating on work I brought home from the office. As I’m walking down the hall with the sole purpose of “regulating” I entered the bathroom, pulled the shower curtain back and nearly caught a damn conniption. The middle member of the Glam Squad is beginning to mature in all the wrong goddamn places!!! What the hell! This child is only eight years old. Hell, I didn’t have that much at seventeen. (shut up Tracy).
You would think that after having seen the oldest member of the Glam Squad blossom into full on puberty, age twelve with the body of a sixteen year old I would be ready for the other two………….WRONG!
This is my baby. My second child. My voilin playing, honor roll student, fashion savy diva, music lovin middle baby. I just can’t take it. I’m already having problems with young punks thinking I’m my oldest daughter’s sister. Imagine rollin through the mall in a couple of years when all three have fully matured? I guess I’ll just have to get three pistals and have each of the girl’s names engraved on the handle and what ever punk comes callin, I’ll politely ask who the hell he came to see and what ever name he gives……….that’s the damn gun he’s going to get his ass capped with.
With all of the problems our young girls are having now, teenage pregancy, STDs, peer pressure, etc., it’s so important that we teach them all that we can before any problems come into play. Our daughters are sacred and we should handle them as such. But at eight years old? Now I sit here pondering how I’m going to introduce the “talk”…… SHIT! I guess I’ll do what I did with the oldest and start off gradually, nothing too abrupt…………the child is eight years old. I guess I’ll discuss the basics of how her body is changing……….DAMN, she’s only eight fucking years old. Is it something in the water? In the food?……WHAT?
And to think I have to go through this again with the youngest girl. By then I guess I’ll just committ myself into an asylum. That one’s gonna hit hard. TRUST! You think I’m panicking now…………you have no idea.
I have to say though, since they are growing and maturing into their own personalities, I can’t help but wonder what they’ll be like in six years. The baby will be thirteen, the middle will be fourteen, and *sigh* the oldest will be eighteen. Lord Have Mercy.
After counseling young girls, you would think that I could be able to handle the growth of my own. This is the time I wished I had my mother back, may she rest in peace cause damn if I don’t need some help on this one.
I need a Heineken……….or two……….or three………or…..you get the picture!
Did I mention the child is only eight?
I’m just gettin too old for this shit!
November 1, 2007
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I hope!!!
The Glam Squad
Me as Billie Holiday
HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GOOD HALLOWEEN!!
October 6, 2007
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The two youngest members of the Glam Squad are in their primary marching band. To see these little kids strut their stuff is amazing, they start from grades two to three. They get invited to college home comings like Claflin and S.C. State. When I say these kids are serious about being in this band…..I mean it! Anyway, I’m tired as holy hell, and my shift starts all over again in the morning. The middle member of the Glam Squad starts her first day of violin lessons!
A mother’s work is NEVER done!
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My little Divas Dorian & Khouri, I had to dress them at work
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My little Khouri
Anderson Primary Marching Band doing what they do best
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Damn, I’m tired!!!!
August 21, 2007
I awoke with a sense of glee this morning. The beautiful sounds of birds singing. The sun so brightly shining. I feel as if I could conquer the world. The flowers are in bloom. They kneel as if to say "good morning"! Contemplating my day and how I will spend it. I feel like a queen, for today I will bask in the glory that is me.
Ahh to run in a field of beautiful sunflowers with not a care in the world. The words of the great Robert Frost echoing in my head. I feel free. Free from all that is small. The smile on my face embodies serenity. A sense of peace. Calm and still.
I think I’ll take the day off from work today. I feel entitled. Deserving of at least one day. A chance to introduce myself to myself……again. To get reaquainted. Today is my day.
Why is it that I’m in such a beautiful mood?
Why is it that today of all days brings me such joy?
Why? It’s simple really! For today is ……………………….
THE FIRST DAMN DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!
Check the older two. You can see their utter disdain. The look on thier faces are priceless. They look as if they wanna tackle me and beat the living hell out of me. (with the execption of the little one) But as it should be, I ALWAYS get the last freakin laugh!!!!! Ya littles butts are GOIN BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!
It really is a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
