Am I the poster child for attracting the simple and stupid? I had a visit from one of my young clients the other day. The very same girl I had to put into the Juvenile Justice System because she wasn't going to school and was violating her parole. (don't even ask) I've been Crystal's case manager since she was seventeen years old. When I met her she was already a mother. I went above and beyond for this girl until I came to realization that I couldn't change her, so I did the hardest thing I had ever had to do and that was to cut her off. Once I saw that she wasn't going to stop doing what she wanted and kept hanging around the same crowd and getting into trouble......she had to get a dose of tough love.
Months back I heard that she was pregnat again. I was hurt and pissed at the same time because eventhough I had cut her off she would come by the office every now and then to say hi. I remember one conversation she was talking about her new boyfriend, I asked if she was being careful and she told me that she was. I wanted to believe her but something inside me knew that she wasn't being truthful. So one day I'm in my office and Crystal comes in looking like who did it and why. She had her beautiful daughter with her and the child looked as if she hadn't had a bath in days, her hair was all over the place I was disgusted. My first impulse was to jump across my desk and beat the living shit out of Crystal, but I didn't feel like going to jail. Crystal had been intentionally avoiding me, I don't know if it was because she knew that I knew she was pregnant again or because she knew I was going to tear her a new ass.
Crystal: Hey Miss Erica. (smilin like a damn mule eatin briars)
Me: Dead silence and a *blank stare*
Crystal: Umm, I just wanted to let you know that you gonna be a auntie.
Me: *blank stare* Crystal I asked you a while back if you were using protection. What did you tell me?
Crystal: Well, he didn't have none.
Me: WHAT? So you mean to tell me, you laid your ass up with this son of a bitch and because he didn't have a rubber you went and had sex with him anyway? You can get any damn thing you want to get but you couldn't take your ass somewhere to buy rubbers? Hell, I offered you a box full. What did you do with those? (dammit, don't answer that).
Crystal: Well, I'm gonna be alright because my boyfriend got a job and I'm looking for a job.
Me: CRYSTAL, how the hell are you going to look for a job when you're pregnant? Who is going to hire you Crystal?
Me: You know what? I think it's in your best interest to leave my office now before I do or say something to make you cry. I am too hurt to even look at you right now. After everything I've done to help you.....you end up fucking it up. Just go ahead and leave.
Crystal left and I didn't hear from her again until just the other day. She came in with a beautiful baby boy in her arms.
Crystal: Miss Erica, I come by to show you my baby.
Me: Uh huh, cute.
Crystal: I also wanted to tell you that I'm gettin married in 2009.
Me: *blank stare* Ummmm are you marrying the baby's daddy?
Crystal: No, I got a new friend.
Jesus PLEASE take the fucking wheel!!!!!!
Me: Crystal, instead of getting married why don't you get your high school diploma and find a job to take care of your children?
Crystal: I don't feel like sitting in class all that time.
By this time Crystal's mother come boppin her big ass down the hall towards my office, stands in the doorway smiling from ear to ear.
Crystal's Mom: You heard the good news?
Damn, I want to bust that ass but this heffa is five times my size!
Me: What do you think about it? Can you honestly say that you are happy with the way your trainwreck of a daughter's life is leading?
Crystal's Mom: Well, that's her. If she wanna git married, she grown!
Cross eyed heffa!!!!! Your daughter's life is in shambles and you think it's cute?
Me: You take your damn daughter and ya'll get the hell out of my office. I can't take this mess anymore.
Even though I express tough love with Crystal..........she can still be saved. I may not be the one who could do it but I hope and pray that she comes around and realize what's important. I still love her but it hurts like hell and I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
First of all…mule eatin briars??? wow
Okay, on to my real comment. Tough love is hard but necessary. Getting married in 2009… I hope she doesnt have another kid by then.
Comment by Rashan — December 14, 2007 @ 8:56 am
Hey Rashan, that’s a country term. My daddy says it all the time. He calls it “a grin for the stupid”! LOL
Comment by Erica C. — December 14, 2007 @ 1:19 pm
i’m glad people like you exist. you still believe she can be saved. she can. but she needs to get away from that ridiculously toxic mother.
Comment by jameil1922 — December 14, 2007 @ 2:38 pm
Thanks jameil, I hope and pray she sees the light. We don’t need another statistic.
Comment by Erica C. — December 14, 2007 @ 2:44 pm
I hope she gets it together. I know someone who had a baby at 14, claimed she didn’t know she was pregnant, her mama did not notice her HUGE stomach and then she put in on a neighbor’s porch. Now, 21 years, 4 kids, later, she is a grandma and does not get her errors. I am just glad she got fixed after kid 5. SMH. She needed some real guidance and her mom was not doing it.
It is good you are showing tough love and showing her a better way.
Comment by shai — December 14, 2007 @ 5:38 pm
Shai-I really hope she gets it together.I still keep track of her and she doesn’t even know it.
Comment by Erica C. — December 14, 2007 @ 5:45 pm
This is why I stopped teaching. Too many kids I couldn’t save and it hurt me every night. Don’t give up on them though Erica!!!!
Comment by 1969 — December 14, 2007 @ 5:48 pm
Advice well taken 1969! My fingers are still crossed in hopes your blessing!
Comment by Erica C. — December 14, 2007 @ 5:51 pm
Lately, I’ve been seeing alot of young looking girls walking around with their stomach poked out. They think it’s “cute” being pregnant at such a young age. Hopefully she will see the error of ways and change.
Comment by thoughtsofsoutherngal — December 14, 2007 @ 9:04 pm
Sad, sad, story my sista. She needs your inspiration and guidance.
Thanks for sharing.
Peace and struggle,
Ridwan
Comment by ridwan — December 15, 2007 @ 10:32 am
I know a couple of girls like that. I say girls even though they are my age and older they still run around like dang kids, layin’ up with any and every man they see.
Comment by Mel — December 16, 2007 @ 11:09 pm
Sounds like an episode of that Keyshia Cole reality show.
Comment by Stephen Cosey \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ — December 17, 2007 @ 8:53 pm
MP-You are SILLY!!!!
Comment by Erica C. — December 17, 2007 @ 9:03 pm
It easy to dismiss young people like this and put them out of your mind the fact that you care says a lot. But this is a perfect example of not every one should have children. The fact that the mother would cosign her pregnacy lets you know how the girl got in the position in the first place and what the future holds for the grandbavies.
Comment by Mike — December 17, 2007 @ 9:40 pm
I try so hard to be a good mentor to the girls that choose to confide in me. You inspire me to be a better mentor. Sometimes you have to be tough like that. I know she can be saved, but her mother is toxic. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree without intervention.
Comment by Tasha — December 19, 2007 @ 3:28 am