For the past six years I have watched a man that I have the most profound love for deteriorate into someone who no longer has the will to live. He has given thirty-four years of his life and devotion to the only woman he had ever loved. Their love spoke a quiet truth. The Sunday morning ritual of dancing to Teddy Pendergrass are no more, but in his mind he relives it on a daily basis. He talks to her still and constant.
I couldn’t begin to understand how he feels because his love for her is on a higher level that I could possibly understand. They shared a history, a love, and five children. When she was diagnosed with Mutiple Sclerosis he watched his once beautiful red head succomb to the harsh reality that her sickness yielded. For sixteen years he held her hand during the relapes, remissions, spasms, and then death.
You have to have that understanding that the love a child has for his/her mother pales in comparison to the love shared between that of a husband and wife. Most of his sixty-three years was spent loving and caring for his wife, he knew of nothing else.
I’ve watched him become an alcoholic and it angers me and breaks my heart all at the same time, but my love for him is and will always be unconditional. I’ve heard people tell him that he needs to get out and meet new people. Maybe that would probably help. His reply: “No one will take the place of my wife”!
If that’s not loving unconditionally, I don’t know what is. Would I like for him to find a nice person to spend the rest of his days with…..sure I would, has there been women who have tried to get close to him………yes, but there are some things that you just can’t force on someone if it’s not wanted. He’s not ready to let my mom go and I respect him for that. I want him to understand that eventhough she’s gone, she’s not forgotten and that she is still with him. She would want him to be happy. I guess from his point of view, that would be easier said than done.
I told myself that I wasn’t going to entertain the thought of writing about this but I have three daughters and I feel that I should. First let me say that Hollywood and the media has it’s priorities mixed the fuck up. Eventhough Jamie Lynn Spears is sixteen years old and pregnant, I’d like to focus on parenting skills or the lack there of. We are not neanderthals we know that teenage pregnancy is a reality. We know this all to well within the black community. We all know what her sister is going through. We haven’t heard about the girl’s father (or at least I haven’t). The mother is a money grubbing stage mother. She might have felt that the only person that really cared about her was the nineteen year old live in boyfriend. When young teenage girls feel as if they have no support system they tend to turn to the first person that says I love you.
This girl has a lot more going on than just being hot in the draws. unprotected sex at sixteen, a nineteen year old live in boyfriend, a father who we don’t see, a sister who doesn’t know where the fuck she is half the time and who can’t take care of the children she already has, and a mother who is there for the money. Am I playing devil’s advocate………you bet your sweet ass I am. The child (Jamie Lynn) is in need of acceptance, not from the public but from the very people who are suppose to be there for her.
She maybe able to take care of this child financially but is she able to take care of it mentally? Is this sending an ok to my twelve year old daughter who loves to watch Zoey 101 that it’s ok to get pregnant at sixteen?
Is this a racial issue? Whould the situation be different if say……Raven Samone would have gotten pregnant at the age of sixteen? Do you think that Raven Samone would have been let out of her contract if this had happened to her? You bet your sweet ass she would have. All of a sudden there are new public service announcements about safe sex and abstinance and now Nickolodeon is doing a show pertaining to Jamie Lynn hosted by Linda Ellerbe. Most of Hollywood is rallying around her in support but my question is where were all of these actors and actresses when Quadranika, Lexus, and Laqueshanae ended up pregnant at the age of fifteen and sixteen living in the Hood who wasn’t financially able to support thier children which lead them to benefit from goverment assistance. It’s a war against the haves and the have nots.
This is not cute folks……AT ALL!!!
Why do you think this hasn’t happened to Raven Samone yet? Say what the hell you want to say but there is a difference between Jamie Lynn and Raven Samone.
Raven knows or has been taught that as a young black actress with her status, there is no room to mess up or to get into trouble. It’s that unspoken knowledge that you can’t do the things that your white counterparts can because no matter what, your going to be perceived in a way that the media wants to portray you which at times is not in a good light.
People we have to seriously have to take situations like this in our own hands as parents. Especially with our daughters. No matter the fame,wealth, or race. It is up to us to teach our young girls that they are loved and are beautiful and intelligient in their own right. Having power and status does not exlude them from the outside world.
As the parent of three young girls, I would never tell anyone what my girls will or will not do! I’m not and will not be with them 24/7. I know that there are peer pressures that they will eventually have to deal with. It is my job to teach them what’s right before it gets to that point. I’m a strong believer in having sex education taught in the classrooms and at home.
After everything that I’ve taught my girls about this matter and they still end up pregnant, I’ll be at ease knowing that I’ve done my part. It was their choice to not listen or take the needed percautions……hence they would have to take that resposibility and try and make the best of it.
Dorian, the middle member of the Jr. Glam Squad had her first violin recital last night. She really did a great job. I’m soooo proud of her. I hope she keeps it up so that she could make some money and take care of her old momma in years to come.
Am I the poster child for attracting the simple and stupid? I had a visit from one of my young clients the other day. The very same girl I had to put into the Juvenile Justice System because she wasn't going to school and was violating her parole. (don't even ask) I've been Crystal's case manager since she was seventeen years old. When I met her she was already a mother. I went above and beyond for this girl until I came to realization that I couldn't change her, so I did the hardest thing I had ever had to do and that was to cut her off. Once I saw that she wasn't going to stop doing what she wanted and kept hanging around the same crowd and getting into trouble......she had to get a dose of tough love.
Months back I heard that she was pregnat again. I was hurt and pissed at the same time because eventhough I had cut her off she would come by the office every now and then to say hi. I remember one conversation she was talking about her new boyfriend, I asked if she was being careful and she told me that she was. I wanted to believe her but something inside me knew that she wasn't being truthful. So one day I'm in my office and Crystal comes in looking like who did it and why. She had her beautiful daughter with her and the child looked as if she hadn't had a bath in days, her hair was all over the place I was disgusted. My first impulse was to jump across my desk and beat the living shit out of Crystal, but I didn't feel like going to jail. Crystal had been intentionally avoiding me, I don't know if it was because she knew that I knew she was pregnant again or because she knew I was going to tear her a new ass.
Crystal: Hey Miss Erica. (smilin like a damn mule eatin briars)
Me: Dead silence and a *blank stare*
Crystal: Umm, I just wanted to let you know that you gonna be a auntie.
Me: *blank stare* Crystal I asked you a while back if you were using protection. What did you tell me?
Crystal: Well, he didn't have none.
Me: WHAT? So you mean to tell me, you laid your ass up with this son of a bitch and because he didn't have a rubber you went and had sex with him anyway? You can get any damn thing you want to get but you couldn't take your ass somewhere to buy rubbers? Hell, I offered you a box full. What did you do with those? (dammit, don't answer that).
Crystal: Well, I'm gonna be alright because my boyfriend got a job and I'm looking for a job.
Me: CRYSTAL, how the hell are you going to look for a job when you're pregnant? Who is going to hire you Crystal?
Me: You know what? I think it's in your best interest to leave my office now before I do or say something to make you cry. I am too hurt to even look at you right now. After everything I've done to help you.....you end up fucking it up. Just go ahead and leave.
Crystal left and I didn't hear from her again until just the other day. She came in with a beautiful baby boy in her arms.
Crystal: Miss Erica, I come by to show you my baby.
Me: Uh huh, cute.
Crystal: I also wanted to tell you that I'm gettin married in 2009.
Me: *blank stare* Ummmm are you marrying the baby's daddy?
Crystal: No, I got a new friend.
Jesus PLEASE take the fucking wheel!!!!!!
Me: Crystal, instead of getting married why don't you get your high school diploma and find a job to take care of your children?
Crystal: I don't feel like sitting in class all that time.
By this time Crystal's mother come boppin her big ass down the hall towards my office, stands in the doorway smiling from ear to ear.
Crystal's Mom: You heard the good news?
Damn, I want to bust that ass but this heffa is five times my size!
Me: What do you think about it? Can you honestly say that you are happy with the way your trainwreck of a daughter's life is leading?
Crystal's Mom: Well, that's her. If she wanna git married, she grown!
Cross eyed heffa!!!!! Your daughter's life is in shambles and you think it's cute?
Me: You take your damn daughter and ya'll get the hell out of my office. I can't take this mess anymore.
Even though I express tough love with Crystal..........she can still be saved. I may not be the one who could do it but I hope and pray that she comes around and realize what's important. I still love her but it hurts like hell and I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
