Paths Not Taken

Wouldn’t it be cool to be a super hero in the workplace? I often think of off the wall stuff like this from time to time. I would be "Office Avenger" avenger of all that is stupid and fake in the world. I would rid the workplace of the evil likes of :

"Sista Lula Mae", you know the sista that always carries the Bible with her everywhere she goes. Always telling you that if you live by the word of the good book, you’ll get to the Pearly Gates faster. (all this while the married deacon is waiting in the parking lot to take the bitch to lunch) "Pearly Gates" my ass!

"Co-Hoe", Co-Hoe comes in many disquises. You know the type, this bitch will sleep, suck, or ass kiss any and everything to climb that corporate ladder. Co-Hoe can transform herself with a blink of an eye. She knows her prey! She assumes the position until she’s ready to pounce. Co-Hoe can be somewhat clueless at times, thus bringing much entertainment at her expense. (meaning public displays of monthly ass whippins by other co-worker’s wives or the fact that every co-worker she has slept with in the office all get together and talk shit about her) Being Co-Hoe can be a grueling task.

"Proverbial Backstabber", she comes off as the sweet innocent fresh faced girl who always says the right things. She usually keeps to herself. Her evil ploy is to befriend anyone who gets in the way of her goals of being the "office superstar". Once she’s befriended her prey to the point where they reveal every bit of information pertaining to a new office project, she begins to pitch ideas to the boss that are not only ideas stolen from the poor sap she’s befriended but takes all recognition of bringing the project to light.

"Ms. Rosa Lee", we all know Ms. Rosa Lee, she’s the ole girl who has been with the company for over 30 years. Her plot of evil is to NEVER RETIRE! Suffering from cataracts, you can’t see shit anyway, so give someone a chance to bring fresh new ideas to the company instead of "hanging in there" for another 4 months until you do retire. I’m sure some of the other co-workers could help you "hang" in there alright. TAKE YOUR ASS HOME!!!!!!!!

"The Know It All", everyone knows Ms. Rhonetha, her evil and somewhat annoying ploy is to have knowledge of every topic in the free world. She vex her way into conversations and completely takes over. Ms. Rhonetha is like the plague to other co-workers, and must be demolished.

"The Hypochondriac", every office has one of these. This is the person who always has an ailment of some sorts. If it’s not her damn neck, it’s her foot, leg, or toe. When she first enters the office, everyone knows not to ask her how she’s doing in fear of getting a full diagnostic report. The sympathy and special treatment that she receives is the source of her strength. To stop this evil is to truly give this heffa something to complain about………. I’m just sayin!!!!!!

As "Office Avenger", it is my duty to  protect all of the honest, hardworking, and decent employees who actually come to work everday to get the job done, to shield them from the evil that lies within.

I am………"Office Avenger"

*The names in this post are NOT related to the co-workers I know……. well, not really but close enough! I’m sure that everyone has similar evils in the workplace if you do, what are they and how do you handle it?