Paths Not Taken

Dear Paris,

I’m so sorry about you going back to jail. I understand how you feel, you were only driving with an suspended liscense and under the influence……It’s not like you KILLED anyone!………..YET right? I mean, your Paris Hilton for God sakes. It was wrong for that Judge to bring you back to jail! I thought you were home scott free after fucking that Sheriff into letting you go.

It just seems as though everyone is picking on you for no good reason. Like look on the bright side…….like if you were like, a black or hispanic girl, you would have served far more time!!

Of course you can’t blame your parents for spoiling you the way they have. Giving you everything your hearts desire and you not giving back anything in return. It’s not thier fault is it? You looked so helpless when they had to put you into the police car just kickin and screaming crying for your mother. I, like you, thought it was all over the other day when you were released, I can’t understand why your plan didn’t work the way you wanted.

They don’t understand our kind of people. Celebrities like us get what we want when we want! We buy our way out of such stupid things like…..going to jail for endangering people’s lives because we choose to intoxicate ourselves with drugs and liquor.

I so hate to think of you going into that place, like, what are you going to do without a stylist? What will you wear? Don’t worry, I’ll call up Oscar to see if he could design the perfect organge outfit. At least you’ll look better than those other girls. Have you spoken to Kimora, Lindsey, Brittney, or Nicole? They can fill you in on what it’ll be like once you get there.

Oh, whatever you do…..be careful! I don’t think that those girls are too nice. I hear they don’t take kindly to "our kind" of people.  Who knows, you might beat this for the second time……I did! As a matter of fact, I got off for way more than what you did. I killed my wife and look at me…….free as a bird!

Just goes to show that as Celebrities….we can beat any damn thing!!!!!!

Yours Truly,

OJ Simpson

Boo Hoo Hoo!!!!!!!