Why is it that some of our young girls just don’t get it? I got some disturbing news yesterday about a young client of mine who, at the age of 18 is now pregnant with her second child. I met her two years ago through her mother, who thought that I could mentor her. At the time, (I’ll call her Tina) was already a mother and was put into an adult school in hopes that she would get her high school diploma or GED. In our first meeting, she seemed to want to reach certain goals in her life. I told her that just because she has a child, that doesn’t mean that she has to give up the things that she wants to accomplish in life. She began to tell me about her life and the things that she wants her child to have that she didn’t. I got attached to Tina as if she was one of my children. I gave her pep talks, educated her on finding places to live, etc. I thought that I did everything to show this girl that someone was there for her…….a friend. Well, needless to say, she would pop up at my office looking a hot damn mess, asking for me to help her find employment or a place to stay because she and her mother were not getting along. I knew something was up because eventually she would come by the office asking for money, either she was hungry or she needed money for pampers or milk. I told her that I would take her to the store and get what she needed………but I was for damn sho not puting money in her hands so that she could give it to some stank ass no job gettin mother fucker who sits on his ass all day and not have the decency to better himself. Anyway….when the offer was made, she always came up with excuses to leave and I wouldn’t hear from her until she needed something or things wasn’t going her way.
After seeing that she wasn’t carrying out the plans she and I made for her future……..I had to cut her loose! She wasn’t being serious about her life or her health for that matter. Without her knowing, I kept close tabs on her just to make sure that she was at least ok. Well, her mother called me one day out of the blue saying that Tina has not been seen in a couple of days. So of course me being the super case worker that I am……I found out that she was having just a ghetto time down at Myrtle Beach with a couple of her buddies. At this point I was really pissed. All I could think of was that poor child she left behind to have some fun, so I called our local juvenile justice office. Come to find out this heifer was already on paroll for something she did a while back!!! (aint that some shit?) so I told the guy at juvenile justice where she was and that she was violating her paroll! This meant that they could go pick her up and send her ass right own to juvenile lock up three hours away for 90 days! (Aint I a stinker…..but it was for her own good)
When she came back, she seemed to have made a change for the better….until she began hanging around the old crowd and began to do the things that she used to do. She dropped in a few times just to check in and we would talk but it always ended in her needing some money, of which I was not giving. The visiting stopped a little after that, She knew that I was not falling for the shit that she was trying to pull. She didn’t really know how to take me, she has never had someone to face her like I did. If she wasn’t doin right…I’d give her a good cussing out, then turn around and tell her how much I loved her. (she seemed alittle confused by that)
When working with people like this, you have to show tough love! They are used to working the system and when they think that they have found a fool they will play on that to get whatever they need. Sad to say but true. I know your probably wondering where the mother and father is? The father is not in the picture, which sums up some of this girl’s actions. The mother does not have a high school education and has been working the system for years. I’ve offered to help her get her life together but she always said that she does not need a job because SSI and Social Security pays her every month! (what the fuck) She does not realize that her actions are a direct reflection of what her daughter is going through now. When I was told that Tina was pregnant again, all I could do was go somewhere and cry. It hurts my soul to see this young girl with so much potential just get swept into this vicious cycle that is welfare.
Eventhough I had to let go, I’ll still wait in the shadows hoping that she realizes that this is not the life she wants for her children, when that day comes…..I will he there for her. It saddens me that the child she already has is not getting the full care or attention that she so desperatly needs. I’ve often pondered the thought of actually getting the child and take care of her along with my girls but the grandmother will not let that happen because that would mean that she would be losing a monthly check.
My question is…how the hell you gon end up pregnant when you can’t even take care of the one you have? We’ve had conversation after conversation about this, but I guess it went in one ear and out the other! So now I don’t know what the hell she’s going to do. I know I won’t see her anytime soon because she knows that I’m going to let her have it. Yes, I will tear her a new ass hole because this whole situation could have been avoided. She may not want to hear what I have to say but I JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK!! I’d rather let her know my true feelings about her actions rather than trying to identify her body laid out somewhere in a damn ditch!!!!! I’m sorry but thats the way I feel. I realize I can’t save every young troubled girl that I come across but I will damn sho try.
You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, in other words…….You can’t win for losing.