Secret Morning meetings is not enough
Afternoon meetings is not enough
Darkness is more than enough
At that moment…..we belong
Arms…legs
Tighten with each blow
You stand your ground
Firm and erect
Lips
Speak my most inner thoughts
Kiss it and make it all better
But first……..
Give me release
Let me savor the moment
I sip from your fountain
Warmth
Is what I feel
Not an option to speak
I can’t
SILENCE
A mere Goodbye
Pieces slowly fade
And this will never be mine
It’s Black Bikers weekend in Myrtle Beach! Every year bikers from all over come and show off their bikes and have a little fun, drink, and God knows what else. When I was younger, all of my friends would began making preparations for that particular weekend by getting their hair and nails done and search for that particular outfit that would draw every type of attention imaginable. I was never asked if I was going because 1) They knew my mamma and daddy wouldn’t go for it. 2) My big brother would probably be there, meaning that if I was to go….we’d have 24 hour surveillance meaning that no damn body was going to have any fun! Did I resent my mom and daddy for not letting me go? YES! I would cry and stay in my room and call myself being pissed. (Of course I never displayed my anger toward my parents face to face because either two things would happen… 1) I’d get the shit slapped out of me and 2) I’d get the shit slapped out of me. Since I’ve never been I asked my hubby if he wanted to ride down to the beach so that, at age 33 I could see what my parents were trying to shield me from. (and NOW I see….THANK YOU MOMMA & DADDY). We didn’t get out of the truck because the last thing I wanted was to bump into one of my clients. THAT would have been really awkward.
As we drove down the boulevard all I could see was mostly young girls wearing next to nothing. I just saw a sea of ASS & BREASTS. The big girls were wearing thongs with thier stomachs hanging over, skinny girls wearing no underware looking like who-did-it-and-why! You could see the looks on the men’s faces when they walked by….they looked like vultures ready to feast.
All I could think was Where are these children’s mothers? I really felt sad for them. These girls really thought that the men who were groping and giving them attention were honestly into them! When in actuality they were looked at as hoes and bitches. When will our young black girls realize that self-awareness, intelligence, and high self-esteem are the key componets of being sexy! You don’t have to degrade yourself and show your ass.
*If by any chance that some young woman out there reading this had attended Black Bikers Weekend in Myrtle Beach wearing next to nothing, and having sex with every man that paid you an inkling of attention, I have a couple of questions for you:
1) Did the guy you gave your number to call you yet?
2) Have you tried to call him and got no reply?
3) Do you honestly think that he’s thinking about you at this moment?
4) You know you won’t see him ever again right?
5) After you gave it up to him and he passed you on to his hommie, how did you feel?
6) After you gave it up to him and he told you to "get the fuck out of his hotel room", how did you feel?
7) When they laughed at your ass after sex, how did you feel?
8) When you gave it up with your baby next to you in the stroller, afterwards….how did you feel? (no lie, I saw this young girl with her baby getting it on with some mutha fucka)
9) If your mother found out about your public escapades, how would you think she’d feel?
10) More importantly……..HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF AFTER THE FACT?
THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!!!!!!!
Knowledge is Power people……..We can do better!!!!!
I just came to the realization that haters hate because 1) They have no life. 2) They have nothing better to do. and 3) They see in you the things that they wish they could be. I noticed this earlier this afternoon when a female relative commented on the nail polish I was wearing. (I know……stupid shit right?) She said that because of my complextion (Which is a beautiful warm caramel THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!) I should use lighter colors like the hot ass mess light pink glow in the dark french manicure she was wearing (NO COMMENT ON THAT ONE)
Now, first of all, I don’t sit in my office all day and collect phone calls at a damn call center, nor do I have time to swamp beauty secrets with the ghetto minded! I work with the public, I have to present myself with the utmost professionalism EVERYDAY! How would I look coming into my office wearing hot pink, blue, organge shit on my fingers. My clients might think that I’m the one who needs help with getting my life straight!
I have a tendency to call people out when needed, but this is Memorial weekend and the family is together…..so I just politely smiled and went on my way, when what I really wanted to say was: How in holy hell you gon sit there and tell me what the fuck I should wear because of my complexion when you don’t even have YOUR shit together? See, first of all I don’t need any one telling me what I should or shouldn’t wear because of my complexion. I am happy with myself, I just gave myself a Memorial Day manicure…..can you say the same? Oh, I forgot you couldn’t…..you just jumped off of an 18 wheeler with your man, (scared he might be doing more than delivering freight huh). I don’t have to comply with what you or anyone else think is best for me. My compexion is just that…..MY COMPLEXION, I refuse to change it or dress it up the way YOU think I should. Get your shit together first…..then come back to me!
Anyway, in my line of work I have to dress, talk, and look the part. I am not going to preach to my clients about professionalism in the work place when I look a hot damn mess. I feel that if I were to do that, my clients would feel that they could approach me in any kind of way. Just the same as if I were to go out to the local hole in the wall justa bumpin and grindin and end up bumpin into a client! That would be some nasssssssty shit. So, to avoid that EVER happening….the hubby and I go to jazz clubs far from where we live. What it all boils down to is that I am respected among the community and my clients…..and nail color is the least of my worries!!
Gettin back to this heifer….I love myself and there is nothing that I will change to comply to your version of beauty. I LOVE my damn haute red nail polish, if you don’t like it….tough shit because you didn’t buy the mother fucker.
In the words of Celie: I may be poor…..black….hell, I may even be ugly…..but dear God, I’m here!!! and all I have to say to Miss. Fashion Mishap……HATE ON HATER…..HATE ON!
Why is it that some of our young girls just don’t get it? I got some disturbing news yesterday about a young client of mine who, at the age of 18 is now pregnant with her second child. I met her two years ago through her mother, who thought that I could mentor her. At the time, (I’ll call her Tina) was already a mother and was put into an adult school in hopes that she would get her high school diploma or GED. In our first meeting, she seemed to want to reach certain goals in her life. I told her that just because she has a child, that doesn’t mean that she has to give up the things that she wants to accomplish in life. She began to tell me about her life and the things that she wants her child to have that she didn’t. I got attached to Tina as if she was one of my children. I gave her pep talks, educated her on finding places to live, etc. I thought that I did everything to show this girl that someone was there for her…….a friend. Well, needless to say, she would pop up at my office looking a hot damn mess, asking for me to help her find employment or a place to stay because she and her mother were not getting along. I knew something was up because eventually she would come by the office asking for money, either she was hungry or she needed money for pampers or milk. I told her that I would take her to the store and get what she needed………but I was for damn sho not puting money in her hands so that she could give it to some stank ass no job gettin mother fucker who sits on his ass all day and not have the decency to better himself. Anyway….when the offer was made, she always came up with excuses to leave and I wouldn’t hear from her until she needed something or things wasn’t going her way.
After seeing that she wasn’t carrying out the plans she and I made for her future……..I had to cut her loose! She wasn’t being serious about her life or her health for that matter. Without her knowing, I kept close tabs on her just to make sure that she was at least ok. Well, her mother called me one day out of the blue saying that Tina has not been seen in a couple of days. So of course me being the super case worker that I am……I found out that she was having just a ghetto time down at Myrtle Beach with a couple of her buddies. At this point I was really pissed. All I could think of was that poor child she left behind to have some fun, so I called our local juvenile justice office. Come to find out this heifer was already on paroll for something she did a while back!!! (aint that some shit?) so I told the guy at juvenile justice where she was and that she was violating her paroll! This meant that they could go pick her up and send her ass right own to juvenile lock up three hours away for 90 days! (Aint I a stinker…..but it was for her own good)
When she came back, she seemed to have made a change for the better….until she began hanging around the old crowd and began to do the things that she used to do. She dropped in a few times just to check in and we would talk but it always ended in her needing some money, of which I was not giving. The visiting stopped a little after that, She knew that I was not falling for the shit that she was trying to pull. She didn’t really know how to take me, she has never had someone to face her like I did. If she wasn’t doin right…I’d give her a good cussing out, then turn around and tell her how much I loved her. (she seemed alittle confused by that)
When working with people like this, you have to show tough love! They are used to working the system and when they think that they have found a fool they will play on that to get whatever they need. Sad to say but true. I know your probably wondering where the mother and father is? The father is not in the picture, which sums up some of this girl’s actions. The mother does not have a high school education and has been working the system for years. I’ve offered to help her get her life together but she always said that she does not need a job because SSI and Social Security pays her every month! (what the fuck) She does not realize that her actions are a direct reflection of what her daughter is going through now. When I was told that Tina was pregnant again, all I could do was go somewhere and cry. It hurts my soul to see this young girl with so much potential just get swept into this vicious cycle that is welfare.
Eventhough I had to let go, I’ll still wait in the shadows hoping that she realizes that this is not the life she wants for her children, when that day comes…..I will he there for her. It saddens me that the child she already has is not getting the full care or attention that she so desperatly needs. I’ve often pondered the thought of actually getting the child and take care of her along with my girls but the grandmother will not let that happen because that would mean that she would be losing a monthly check.
My question is…how the hell you gon end up pregnant when you can’t even take care of the one you have? We’ve had conversation after conversation about this, but I guess it went in one ear and out the other! So now I don’t know what the hell she’s going to do. I know I won’t see her anytime soon because she knows that I’m going to let her have it. Yes, I will tear her a new ass hole because this whole situation could have been avoided. She may not want to hear what I have to say but I JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK!! I’d rather let her know my true feelings about her actions rather than trying to identify her body laid out somewhere in a damn ditch!!!!! I’m sorry but thats the way I feel. I realize I can’t save every young troubled girl that I come across but I will damn sho try.
You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, in other words…….You can’t win for losing.
Introducing……Joshua, Class of 2007
My Dad and The Grands
Last night was my nephew’s graduation from Head Start. I am so proud of him. He’s just the cutest thing! And as you can see….they love their Grand Daddy!!!!!!!
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When I hear this song It reminds me so much of my parents. My mother, who passed away a while back fell ill to Multiple Schlerosis, after suffering for 16 years. My father was always by her side and cared for her with so much love. During the last moments of her life, I could see the fear in his eyes…the fear of having to live without the woman he’s loved for nearly thirty-odd years. I’ve often wondered what his thoughts were, whatever they were it wasn’t my place to invade. He misses her a lot and it shows. This song brings out a lot of emotions for me. Kate Bush tends to do that to you through her music.